The shopping trolley of the future


    Hello. This is going to be a very quick Sunday round-up for you because last night I stayed up late and watched lots of David Bowie stuff on BBC2. In itself that isn’t a problem, but I was accompanied by a glass and a bottle of Bulleit Rye and every time the glass got empty it magically filled itself up again.

    I didn’t know I had a magic glass. I didn’t even have to do a Magic Dance to make it work.

    Oh, I have to do a thing about football coming back. Ok. Here we go: On Wednesday football will be back.

    I’m not feeling particularly thinktastic this morning. That said, I did have an amazing dream about shopping trolleys. You know when you get a shopping trolley and you have to go up or down one of those things that isn’t an escalator but is still a moving platform? I don’t know what they’re called. Movealators or something. I guess the idea is that you don’t go hurtling down it with a trolley full of stuff so they have grooves and the trolley wheels stick into them and you have to stand there like a massive twat going at the pace of the not-escalator thing.

    Well, let me tell you, this would put an end to all that once and for all. You could safely go down or up the not-escalator thing at your own pace perfectly safely, regardless of how full the trolley was. No more just standing there. People have busy lives. They don’t have time to be dictated to by the Big Shopping Trolley junta. Who are they to say how fast we can go up or down a non-escalator thing? Their tyranny will finally be over.

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    The only small issue with this new development is the need to completely and utterly redevelop floors. Not just the supermarket floor, but car parks (people use their trollies to take their shopping to their cars etc), and anywhere you need to push a trolley along. I feel like the improvement in the trolley itself wouldn’t be sufficient for the kind of investment required to make them work everywhere.

    Sorry, let me correct that: I feel like the improvement in the trolley itself wouldn’t be seen as sufficient by short-sighted fools who would fail to envision the benefits and thus refuse to provide the financial capital necessary to make them a reality.

    Can you imagine where the world would be if there weren’t people open to good ideas?

    What if Eamon Headphone hadn’t thought up the idea of a device worn over the head which covered the ears and filled them with sound? What if Dave Playstation had gone to Sony and said, “I have an idea for a box”, and they said, “What’s the in the box?” and he said “Just some parts but with this box you can play lots of games on your TV” and they went “But we have already Pong, what more do you think people need? Get out, we don’t need your sort around these parts.”

    What kind of a world would we be living in now?

    A world in which The Last of Us 2 isn’t coming out next week for a start, something which is ridiculously exciting for a man of 48 years of age. Should I feel embarrassed that I’m so anxiously anticipating a video game? No, no I should not. If you think I should, please remember that you are the grown up adult who is reading a website dedicated to an endeavour in which some chaps dressed in a red and white uniform try to be better at kicking a round thing into a net than other chaps dressed in far inferior costumes, some which have a chicken on a basketball embroidered into them.

    A chicken on a basketball. Your logo could be literally anything, and that’s what you come up with? That’s what you call a failure of imagination, exacerbated by a willingness to execute a bad idea. It was probably just convenient and easy, in much the same way shopping trolleys are these days. It needs someone to come along to be brave, and to force through the kind of change that in a few short years we’ll be wondering how we lived without until then.

    Will that someone be me? I’m sorry to say it probably won’t because I am in sore need of more coffee and a bacon sandwich, and if my time on this earth has taught me anything it’s recognising priorities.

    Please have a great Sunday. I’ll be back with more tomorrow, as well as a brand new Premier League returning Arsecast Extra.

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