England’s top 10 ‘crap towns’ according to controversial poll

    We know fans love planning which away days to go on, so with that in mind, we check out the England’s top 10 ‘crap towns’ according to controversial poll.

    At many a football match whether it’s in the Premier League, EFL or Non League up and down the nation, you will no doubt hear the much used shithole chant, and it seems some of these might fit that very statement… not according to us may we add.

    Around 50,000 votes were cast on website, which claims these are the least inspiring towns and cities of England (be prepared for some seriously brutal reviews, eek!)…

    10th) BLACKBURN

    The guide said: “If you live here, I’m sorry for you – and if you haven’t ever been here, then stay away.

    “[The] estates make Syria look calm, you can guarantee if you dare to walk down these downtrodden dogshit ridden estates (mind the needles), you will almost certainly spot the inhabitants walking freely in dressing gowns, fluffy slippers, undoubtedly pregnant, with a fag in their gob going to pick up another free prescription from the overly used clap clinic.

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    “Drug dealers, dole wasters, bums, guttersnipes, fallen women, young slappers and their steroid pumped teenage boyfriends. It’s a f*cking nightmare! A cross between ‘Shameless’ and the Star Wars canteen at best.”

    9th) OLDHAM

    The guide said: “I think Oldham was best summed up by a friend of mine who upon a visit to this fair town one day remarked, that the people of Oldham look as though the government has been performing nuclear testing in the area.

    “Once on [an Oldham bus] you may have to wait a while for the bus to set off, it’s common for the bus driver to have to remind at least one person that you cannot travel without paying.

    “If you want culture and sophistication, then one should look no further than Yorkshire street and the local shopping centres, where Sports Direct is the new Hugo Boss and TJ Hughes is the new Harrods.”


    The guide said: “Recent highly scientific research (namely walking down the high street) points to one in three inhabitants below the age of 30 fitting neatly into the c**v box.

    “In a town where everybody is a blood relative of the person next to them, you have to wonder whether the essence of chavdom stems from bad breeding, or in the case of Castleford, possible interbreeding.

    “A trip to Castleford is a real eye opener… and you need to keep your eyes open because if you dare to close them, they’d have your wallet faster than you could say ‘XR3i.’

    “Suffice to say, if someone wanted to give Yorkshire an enema, this is where they’d stick the tube.”

    7th) BLACKPOOL

    The guide said: “Just walking around the town centre and seeing the result of years of inbreeding is an ordeal, so much so that we try to avoid the place unless absolutely necessary. the best thing about BLACKPOOL is the M55 out.

    “While in Blackpool all you smell is weed, McDonald’s, KFC and dried up piss!

    “You may think it’s a jolly seaside resort with candy floss and donkeys, it’s a scumbucket for the transients who come here to draw benefits in a holiday resort, instead of an inner city.”

    6th) ROTHERHAM

    The guide said: “Rotherham, a worthy nomination – think i’ll head off somewhere else and get away from it all – perhaps Hunstanton? on second thoughts – that’s no better is it?

    “I wish I had a great story about twatting a c**v for being cheeky or something but the truth of the matter is, that I put as much distance between me and the population as possible after that first visit.

    “I stopped going into the town centre. There was no point. I like a pint without violence. I like to sometimes buy stuff that costs £1.99 – or more!

    “After a year of reading headlines in the Rotherham Advertiser like ‘Chip Pan Fire Guts House’, ‘Body found outside Takeaway’ and ‘Asbo Grandad at it again’ I decided I somehow didn’t fit in and moved away.”

    5th) HULL

    The guide said: “I was born and bred in Hull and can honestly say you’re bang on with your description. What a f**king dump this place is.

    “Just spend 10 minutes stood outside the Maternity Unit at Hull Royal Infirmary. Watch in amazement as 15 year old Courtney shouts at her 3 kids to “fooking get back ‘ere or I’ll fooking bray yer” as she chain smokes her 3rd fag before re-entering the building to spitt out another no-dad.”

    4th) DONCASTER

    The guide said: “You’ve probably been forced to pass here on the train at sometime in your life, seeing all the attractions such as the smack rat infested balby flats and dirty Hexthorpe.

    “Doncaster is counterfeit Nottingham!

    “Ahhh Doncaster, that s**t-hole surrounded by other s**t-holes such as Hull, Barnsley, Pontefract, Scunthorpe and Rotherham.

    “A night out in Donny is magical, with bums sitting on steps drinking white lightning near the old Purple Door strip club or the Jobcentre and chavvettes with near nothing on, looking to volunteer to contibute to Doncasters rising pregnancy rate.”

    3rd) ROCHDALE

    The guide said: “Take in the smells – the strong whiff of tobacco and fatty foods with subtle hints of exhaust fumes, sweat and damp vegetables from the market area; see if you can detect a undertone of vomit, Karate aftershave and old cheese.

    “No need to hide the rolls of fat around one’s midriff, no need to bother with personal hygiene or inconveniences such as makeup or combs. You are now standing in the centre of the universe. Breath deep my friend, soak it up. Then make your choice – leave fast or stay forever.

    “Welcome to the cesspit of the universe, where evolution took a break and spat out this breed of useless slack-jawed yokels with less IQ than a glass of water

    “You have a choice, visit Rochdale or have your gonads beaten 800 times with a rusty sledgehammer wielded by a German bodybuilder… I’ll get the hammer.”


    The guide said: “There’s nothing but pound shops and a few coffee shops. It’s polluted, unclean and full of idiots. It’s a horrible place to live.

    “Huddersfield it’s a rough, boring, chavvy, crap hole.

    “For a demo of the c**v scooterists trying to impress the scummy lady c***s simply go and look in the Morrisons car park from about 7pm onwards, thousands of the cretins, unfortunately they never seem to fall off.

    “So in short if you like your car windows, teeth, kneecaps etc. then avoid this s******e like you would a man with leprosy! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!”


    The guide said: “One thing to bear in mind, if booking a weekend get away in Peterborough, it is customary if a stranger holds eye contact with you for more than three seconds, to shout “WHAT”??? and become extremely aggressive.

    “I lived in Peterborough for 15 years and all I can say is wow. what a f*****g DUMP

    “They are without doubt some of the most aggressive, miserable, backwards, negative people I have ever come across.

    “The atmosphere in Peterborough is draining. You feel totally isolated from the rest of the world and life in general, as though everything else is going on and you’re not part of it as you’re stuck in this dump.

    “Take a trip into the town centre and it’s like walking onto the set of the Walking dead. Every manner of inbred mutant adorns the streets.”

    Now that you have found out England’s top 10 ‘crap towns’ according to a controversial poll, do you agree or disagree? Let us know for yourself.

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